While Chloe is sleeping on her own bed in the same room which makes it easier to check on her well-being. i can't help but wonder if the rest of my family members are fine.
Is Boo asleep? Is Mathieson sleeping on his own cot or enjoying my vacated space of my very own comfy king-sized mattress next to his mommy?
Then my thoughts began to wonder if my dad is fine, sleeping on another hospital bed in another hospital wars after a routine medical checkup today at KTPH ended up with the doctors suggesting that he be admitted as well for further diagnostics and observations.
My mum, Chloe's grandma, had been so worried about Chloe's operation and my reassurances over the phone offered little relief as she had to ensure that my dad was fully warded and taken care of.
So it is with a cruel twist of fate that the whole family had to spend the new year in 4 separate locations and the reason why I'm here still awake and writing this post.
I witnessed the frailties of life can pass us by when I carried Chloe into the operating theatre and watched on as the medical staff injected the GA into her body.
I recalled how I was administered with GA years ago and the anesthetist told me that his cocktail will knock me out before I count to 10. That time, i tried counting to 10 and I don't remember if I managed to count to 10 before I was knocked out.
This morning, as the potent concoction was injected into my daughter, I told Chloe the same thing, "Count to 10, Chloe."
"1, 2, 3, ...10" when U finished at 10, Chloe's eyes were still wide open. Another 5 more seconds must have passed by and not before she reached out her hands and attempted to hug me while I lowered my head and kissed her on her forehead as her eyes rolled and she drifted off to sleep.
I watched helplessly as she loses conscious and that moment felt terrible. I'd been a veteran of operations. My mum went through numerous operations and i had went through 2 myself, one of them under GA. My dad, well, let's just put it that he went through a few as well but none of them more important than the one earlier this year after his stroke.
Despite all my credentials, nothing prepared me for the morning as I watched my very own flesh and blood drifted off to sleep. There are risks with any operations, major or minor. Some have been known to suffer from allergic reaction to the GA. The MacGyver in me knows a little of too much of anything and had never mentioned this risk to my noobie wife. It's like on of those moments when someone entrusted you with their bets to buy 4D and you forgot to buy it. The only thing to do is to pray that the numbers do not strike first prize.
The other significant emotion I felt this morning and throughout the day was how the parents must have worried over us as much as we worry over our child.
As a child growing up, I'd visited my mom on several occasions as she went under the knife. Even for my dad, i had to make the executive decision to put him under the knife to save him earlier this year. Even though I don't need to make a decision for my mum due to my young age back then, it certainly wasn't easy making the decision on behalf of my dad too. For Chloe, the decision was easy, but the guilt trip was higher. Too many "what-ifs" rushed into one's head at the very moment the operating staff thanked me and led me away, i had promised Chloe I'll be there for her during her hospital stay. There's nothing i can do now for her except to place her under the care of the team of doctors i have selected (well we did select the Prof and had to pay either B1 or A-class ward as a result and the Prof is the one who will assemble his team.)
Such is the frailties of life. At any moment, life throws us a curveball or lemons. Whether it is a curveball or lemons, we need to deal with it and hit the ball or make lemonades.
Even though my family is torn apart during this new year, i have no doubt that our bonds will be stronger after this.
Happy new year to everyone.
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